


trauma.

by Prettything_uglylie



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Pining Bellamy Blake, Post-Break Up, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad John Murphy (The 100), Sexuality Crisis, The Murphamy Hug We Deserve!, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:54:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25573165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettything_uglylie/pseuds/Prettything_uglylie
Summary: They all knew this was coming. One of them had to break first.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/John Murphy
Comments: 12
Kudos: 76





	trauma.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunarists](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunarists/gifts), [plutomurphy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/plutomurphy/gifts).



> So hey! Dedicating some Murphamy angst to a few of my favorite folks and hoping they enjoy! This was spawned by Sadie's Murphamy Breakdown scheduled for tonight and AJ just deserves a gift and I haven't written you anything so here, lovely! 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

They all knew this was coming. One of them had to break first. 

Well, technically, at that given point they had all had their breakdowns except him so they all knew his was to come. Whether it have been Harper spending a few days lying in bed, Echo's constant strain and hurting herself working out, Raven breaking a null piece of technology, Bellamy snapping and yelling at them all a few times, Emori picking fights or or Monty's suicide attempt, they have all broken down. 

Except Murphy. 

Bellamy was quite surprised that Murphy hadn't had an entire meltdown as he knows most of what Murphy has been through. Though, Bellamy isn't sure just how much he knows of Murphy's trauma as he sees the dreadful cloud of memories appear in Murphy's eyes sometimes; It makes him want to know, want to help. He likes to fix things - maybe so he stops feeling as useless as he usually does, Monty had once psychoanalyzed him when they'd been talking. 

But despite Monty's psychoanalysis and the inevitable implosion of Murphy and Emori's borderline toxic relationship as of currently, it all doesn't seem to matter when Murphy knocks on his door, the neck of a bottle of gin between his pointer and middle finger. Ahh, so this is how Murphy copes. 

"I'm ready to talk," Murphy slurs as he takes up the offer Bellamy has given numerous times and Bellamy nods, only closing the door for a moment to get fully dressed. 

* * *

"What about Emori?" He asks a stretch of time later as they walk around the metal halls of the Ring, passing the bottle between themselves. Sometimes Bellamy finds his thoughts overran with the metallic sanctuary and part of him knows he should feel at home in all of this metal as he grew up on the Ark but he's rather certain that he's not the same boy he was on the Ark. He is rather sure that that boy is dead. 

"Mad at me," Murphy slurs as an explanation, "Usually is." 

Bellamy takes a moment to admire the younger boy. He's always found Murphy attractive in his own narrowed eyed sharp way but he can't help but stare as he watches the boy sway a bit with the alcohol in his system. He asks softly, "Any reason why?" 

"Thinks I like boys more than girls." Murphy says and Bellamy, mid-drink of their bottle of gin, chokes on his sip before Murphy continues, little-to-no concern over his choking, "I mean I do," 

And hearing that Murphy likes boys from his own lips that Bellamy has thought about kissing so many times, Bellamy's world has tilted off-kilter again, "But that doesn't mean I like her any less...I just...girls don't feel the same since..." 

He gestures broadly and Bellamy feels bad for not knowing something that he doesn't even know for but he still quietly and solemnly asks, "Since what?" 

"Since Ontari raped me." 

And Bellamy's heart stops in his chest painfully as his world starts to grow his cold, leaking from his heart to the tip of his toes. His voice sounds stupid to his own ears when he asks, "What?" 

Murphy makes a movement with his mouth, as though going to tell the whole story and Bellamy doesn't want to hear it as much as he does. He knows that telling him might lessen the burden on Murphy but Bellamy knows he won't be able to hear it without wanting to go back in time and shoot her in the face repeatedly. He swallows when he realizes Murphy's mouth had been forcing a silent sob out, "What can I do to help?" 

Murphy looks at him. The mask of nonchalance falls and Murphy just looks tired and sad when he asks, "Can I have a hug?" 

Of course, he can. 

If this is what healing feels like, Bellamy is grateful they get to do it together. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this! Kudos and comments keep me going!


End file.
